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Uhhhh….

November 5, 2010

As usual, I have a ton to tell and no art to put it together. Believe it or not, I use up all my art and craftiness in my other blog, and in Twitter, and in trying to get the site and the show better and better. I get here, and I just want to brain dump, so I don’t forget how beautiful Eric’s face was today at lunch.

I’m in a really busy period right now, and quite a lot of it – I guess all of it – is me doing this to myself. W00tstock came to Dallas last night, so I planned to be there. Then I found out Neil Gaiman was going to be at the one in Austin Tuesday, so of course I had to go to THAT with friend Julie.  And then one of our really supercool Microsoft friends was in town for a day, so of COURSE I had to go and hang out with him for drinks on Monday. AAAaaaaand I’m gone all next week at the PASS Summit.  I feel like I haven’t seen my kids in weeks. They seem to feel the same way.

So I had lunch with Eric at school. Eric is five, and he’s fantastically into school and friends and BEING A FIVE YEAR OLD BOY with enthusiasm and energy and passion.  It was a wonderful lunch, both as Mommy and as 5-year-old me, who really enjoyed being back in school with little friends having cool talks at lunch while everyone ate their grapes.  I so wanted to shrink myself down after eating, and run around and yell and play and sit in the grass…it was such a beautiful day to be five again.

I don’t want to be 11 again right now, though. Judging by my daughter, 11 is a SHITTY age to be…I mean, every little detail of life is just UTTER AND COMPLETE SHIT, and she spends so much time and effort in being as sullen and actively negative as possible.  That’s not entirely fair, but I’m at a supersaturation of preteen sullenness, and so it’s hard to be fair.  I will say that – despite her verbal refusal to take part – Kiddo joined us in doing a puzzle tonight, and a pleasant time was had by all. So, little brothers || grownup events || school || anything = SHIT, puzzles && Big Bang Theory = okay.

I resist writing this, but I’m in the mood to be honest: I miss Benny the most. I miss Kiddo, because she’s always off in Preteen Land (a very private place), and I miss Eric, because he really needs me and he’s my guy and he’s at SUCH a cool age….but I think I’m hardwired to miss the littlest kid the most. It’s biological, seriously.  He needs me, and I feel SO GODDAMN GUILTY this week for all the time I’m away.  The good news is, I’m hypersensitive about these things, so it’s not as bad as it seems AND it’ll be done very soon. I’m not going anywhere else until January, by FSM.

Having said that, I’m really enjoying everything that’s going on. How could I not?  And next week really will be the bomb…things are stacking up, bigtime. My calendar for Tuesday looks like a kid’s block tower, with one thing resting directly on the next. Forget turtles…it’s meetings all the way down.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. November 5, 2010 2:41 pm

    Lemme just say this one thing – YOU ARE A GOOD MAMA! Don’t you dare beat yourself up about stuff. Part of being a Really Good Mama is being a complete person away from the kids.

    Thank you for takingme to w00tstock! It was epic win … Oh, and The Bloggess made an interesting observation: “The only thing scarier that meeting your idols is them meeting YOU.” Or something like that. That is all.

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