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Disturbing my calm

July 31, 2013

One of the real bitches about This Modern Age, and Being an Amateur Blogger is that there are certain things that it’s just not a good IDEA to blog about. Like, say, fights with your spouse. Or sex. There really are things that an everyday person doesn’t want to share, and that the everyday reader doesn’t want to know. Leave it to the relationship professionals to write about fights, and comedians to talk about sex. Or vice versa.

Which is really a bummer, because the big BENEFIT of This Modern Age and Being an Amateur Blogger is being able to relate to people, getting perspective on problems, finding normality and new paths via sharing with others.  Yes I know it starts to sound like mumbo-jumbo psychological bullshit, but if that’s the case, then why are sites like Reddit so popular? These are places dedicated to saying your say, and then seeing how many people go “Yeah, me too!”  Point made, game-set-match.

The point of this, the reason I’m dancing all around the point, is that we had a fight. (We’re married, we live in close quarters, and so we do that from time to time.) The fight’s all done, so it’s fair to write about a little bit.  Like this:

Fights really disturb my calm. I took a personality test a while back (“Moar mumbo-jumbo!”), which clarified something to me: I’m really big into harmony. In the sense of, maybe everything’s not done, life isn’t perfect, but everyone’s sort of humming along without anything really jarring.  Fights are jarring. Fights disturb my calm, badly, and for a long while after everything’s resolved and whoever needed to said “Sorry”.  I spend a lot more time than seems normal to me paranoid about another fight appearing out of nowhere. (They don’t happen often, and they’re really not that bad. I’m just big into harmony.)

So, who’s with me there? Do you stay bothered for days after the fight? Or is it “done and done”?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 31, 2013 12:11 am

    I’m with you. Conflict disturbs me. I need to vent and decompress a bunch after conflict.

  2. A Husband permalink
    July 31, 2013 3:07 am

    So let me try to give you some comfort by having an opposite feeling (really, not trying to be a troll here).

    So my wife is totally about the peace. thing. Like the act of fighting bothers her. Me on the other hand, I feel some things are worth fighting over. Not all differences can be resolved, but sometimes a shouting match is a crucible that leads to understanding the other side, which leads at least to empathy (of course violence is wrong).

    So the problem (in my completely unqualified opinion, because hey this is the internet) is as follows. When you have one party who sees a temporary strain on a relationship as an acceptable means of last resort to come to an understanding,(and thats exactly how I see a heated argument at an impasse, and a person that wants to avoid all conflict the argumentative person can become frustrated that “nothing is important enough to fight over” in the other persons eyes, and therefore, the other person must not see any value in anything. Now on the other hand, the person that seeks harmony probably wonders how (insert silly matter du jour) can be more important than the relationship, because everything is secondary to the relationship. Meanwhile the argumentative person sees the relationship based on the dynamics of the two persons complementary, contrary, and overlapping passions on various issues.

    So I hope I provided some insight.


  1. Book recc: “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It” | Jen's Blog: We Owls

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