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Rules of Drunkenness

July 9, 2015

Rules of drunkenness:
Don’t say things. 

Don’t say anything online. For the love of God, don’t say anything online.

Don’t take anything off. Okay, maybe your jacket. No, not your shoes.

Don’t lie down on anything that’s not your bed. Seriously, stop talking. Stop texting. What did you just post?

Watch your typos. 

Quit telling people you love them. Just stop. 

No, you don’t need another glass. Eat something. 

Okay, maybe one more glass. Just the one. 

Keep your clothes on. Stand up. What are you, a toddler? Put your shoes back on. 

This is your inner sober brain speaking, and I say seriously SHUT UP NO ONE CARES. They can all tell you’re drunk, too. 

Did you say something else while I wasn’t looking? Oh god, what was it? Who was there? We’re going to have to file this away and feel bad forever, so what did you say?

That carpet DOES look kind of comfortable, now that I think about it. And lots of people like floors. Buddhists, for example. Love floors. Maybe we could be Buddhist tonight. Yeah?

Not sure we need another glass. Tasty wine, though. 

I love that guy. Good guy, that. 

I’m British now. 

I love this carpet. 

Where’s my drink. 

Where’s my shows. Shows. Shoes. 

Imma text them. I love those guys.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. July 9, 2015 3:40 pm

    Genuinely laughed out loud. Brilliant xx

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