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Thinking about women-only spaces

May 15, 2018

I’ve been thinking lately about women’s clubs and spaces.  I have a hard time putting these things into words, but i’ll try.

There is a definite dynamic change with these spaces, because of course you’re SO MUCH LESS LIKELY to be subject to all the things that the imbalance between the sexes hath wrought: mansplaining, manspreading, the male gaze, sexual tension (the likelihood of being in a room with a lesbian who will make things uncomfortable is so low as to be negligible), and harassment.

I think the butthurt that men feel about women-only spaces is a symptom of NOT UNDERSTANDING the constant tension that is, well, toxic masculinity. If you’re upset because you’re not invited, it’s probably because you don’t get what a stress relief it is to simply go, “Oh, there’s no men around? Okay then.”

(I don’t hate men. I adore men. Big fan. And a lot of you are good men. That doesn’t change the fact that you’ve grown up in the “BE A MAN, SCREW THE GIRLS” soup that is our heritage and culture. It comes out in some more than others, but it does come out. We’re always watchful.)

And spaces that include men, but have been staked out as women’s ground – e.g., women in technology meetings, Pilates and yoga classes, and the like – have the same effect. We’re – women are – likely the majority, so the possibility for bad behavior/effects is far lessened.

Your thoughts?

One Comment leave one →
  1. May 15, 2018 4:25 pm

    Friend Nic recommended the Id10t podcast with Rachel Bloom, which includes this relevant quote from Rachel:

    “The male gaze…most guys have good intentions, but they still see the world, gay or straight, with the lens of ‘can I fuck it’. And that’s what the male gaze is. … The male gaze is … couched in terms sometimes like, ‘likable, relateable, threatening, friendly’. What that means means is, ‘This girl is smart but would she still fuck me?'”

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