Sunday, November 22

This weekend I’ve listened to a lot of Barack Obama’s new book (“A Promised Land”), watched a documentary on haunted houses and one on rare book collectors, and generally made myself treat the days like a vacation.

This is unusual because normally, even on weekends I feel the pressure to work on my to do list. I’m always behind.

Two weeks ago, I finally self-diagnosed ADHD and got on medication. The last two weeks have been nothing short of miraculous.

Other folks online who are medicating for ADHD describe the change as “finally being fully myself”, and that’s not a bad description. I can think better. I can get things done. I can feel – as I do now – that it’s okay to sit still. That yes, there may be a dozen things in my line of sight that could use some attention, but it’s fine to NOT do those things right this moment.

It would have been useful to know more about various neuro atypical things – anxiety, depression, ADD, autism, and so on – much much earlier in life. I think a greater emphasis on these things early on, as part of standard education, would make such a massive difference in people’s lives. I genuinely can’t imagine what high school would have been like if I’d had a better understood WHY my brain works the way it does – to say nothing of having access to medication.

Now, my anxiety is down. My time is of a better quality. I’m better able to help my kids. What’s next? The next 44 years of my life, to be better spent and calmer in mind.

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