One of the things I’ve been working on is letting myself like “girly” things again, including pink.
I loved pink when I was a kid. I don’t remember for sure if my walls were pink, but I’m pretty sure the baseboards were. I had a rainbow-pink bedspread, and matching curtains.
Then grew up, and I guess I learned to be a self-hating female. I’m just working on it, is all.
I think I’ve been taking inspiration from gay and transgender folks, many of whom don’t bother much with gender norms. I look at these folks and think, Oh! You can just, LIKE things? Huh.
I had a conversation with a friend recently who said feel in accordance with their birth gender, but presented as non-gender conforming. What a lovely state to be in, to be comfortable with.
That’s probably why it’s such a joy to me when I hear someone has come out gay, or transgender: it’s an embracing of who you are, the real you. It’s such a victory, I feel like throwing people parties. It feels like a massive amount of society is demanding that you reject, subvert, subsume who you are, if it in any way deviates from what’s currently considered “normal”. Poor LGBTQA+, poor neurodiverse folks, poor disabled folks, poor people of color. Poor everyone outside the stupid, ridiculous, made-up “norm”.
To show up and not be ashamed
“[My therapist] Rita reminded me of something I’d told her once, about the five rules of the world as arrived at by this Catholic priest named Tom Weston.Lamott, Anne – Operating Instructions, p. 100 (Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group)
The first rule, he says, is that you must not have anything wrong with you or anything different.
The second one is that if you do have something wrong with you, you must get over it as soon as possible.
The third rule is that if you can’t get over it, you must pretend that you have.
The fourth rule is that if you can’t even pretend that you have, you shouldn’t show up. You should stay home, because it’s hard for everyone else to have you around.
And the fifth rule is that if you are going to insist on showing up, you should at least have the decency to feel ashamed.
So Rita and I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.”